Walking with Jesus

For the good that makes life joyful, And the hard things that make us strong. We praise you in good and bad things As you carry us along. Some of you may remember when I asked you to pray for Micah in song several weeks ago. In the moments when I am alone with her (comforting her, holding her pacifier, etc.) I continue to do this. Olivia does as well. Sometimes I sing songs by other people, but there are other times (maybe even the majority) when I am singing new prayers (complete with a chorus). What I wrote above is the chorus for a song I was singing over Micah less than an hour before I started this post. I could "improve" it, I suppose, but this is what the Spirit gave me to sing, and I like it. The verses were about how God created everything, put us into the middle of the everything, and then told us to enjoy anything (almost). But, we fell and broke God's heart. Then, he sent Jesus to restore us to Himself, and He also gives us everything good and bad i...

(First, we have not decided on a winner for the caption contest yet. See the last post for current suggestions) God is faithful. We have been trusting in Him and He has continued to watch out for us. This week is no exception. Micah is now 2 lbs., 3.6 ounces! They have told us to be ready for some big gains after the first pound, and so far they are right. She gained 2.1 ounces last night alone, and is now almost twice her birth weight. We haven't been able to Kangaroo again because of some extra precautions in Micah's room, and she seems to have missed it (acting a little fussier today). But, Micah herself has been cleared of any concern. We continue to believe that the Lord is able (and willing) for her to remain a beautiful, healthy girl. I don't have a photo ready right now, but she just keeps getting more beautiful. Olivia and I sometimes just stare at her in amazement. Yet, while our world here keeps rolling along at a steady pace, the world at large is flyin...

Today Micah reached 2 lbs, 0.5 ounces. In order to celebrate, Olivia (and Micah) suggested a competition. So, here's the deal: Think of a caption for this picture and contribute it in the Comments below by clicking on the underlined word "comments". The winner will get a guest appearance on a popular sitcom, a cash prize of $2000.00, and a special gift from Micah. (Well, maybe just a special gift from Micah!) Micah also asked me to tell you that she is progressing on her ventilator and her lungs have cleared very well because her lungs are growing. Praise God! She did have to have a transfusion to get her red blood cells up where they need to be, because she is making less blood than she uses. (But, hey! She's only 5 weeks and 1 day old [gestationally 28 weeks, 5 days] and is amazingly making making her own blood, how much more do you expect?) So, think of your caption, enter it in Comments below, and keep praying! Add Your Caption Here {click b...

" That which was a trial to you in my bodily condition you did not despise or loathe, but you received me as an angel of God, as Christ Jesus Himself ." Galatians 4:14 When the Apostle Paul wrote these words, he did so in the context of asking (in fact, begging) the disciples to "become as I" (v.12): helpless, weak, frail, in need of others so motivated by the love of Christ that they would literally pluck out their eyes if you needed them (v.15). Why would God inspire Paul to make this strange request? We know Paul's life was hard (if you don't, consider 2 Corinthians 11:24-28 ). He may be the most influential Christian in history, but his life wasn't easy. He faced trial after trial, rejection after rejection, and set back after set back. His life was a roller coaster, and through it all... he suffered. In fact, when Jesus called him to salvation and ministry (BTW salvation and ministry always go together), when Jesus called Paul to ...

Things are going pretty well for Micah. We are learning when to be concerned and when not to. It's surprising how many things therre are that seem critical (the size of Micah's belly, her heart rate, the exact position of her arms) but aren't really that important. Of course, we don't know this to start with, and just because a particular observation didn't matter yesterday doesn't mean that it won't matter tomorrow. All things considered, Micah is doing very well. They have started weening her from the steroids, are giving her body a chance to produce her own red blood cells, and seem to feel like she is gaining weight at an acceptable rate. (After stalling for a couple of days, she gained a whole ounce last night! She is now 1 pound, 13.6 ounces.) Micah was seen by the Occupational Therapist for the first time, and has not shown any signs for concern (arms, legs, neck all look good). She has also had some really good awake time, responding ...

Today, Olivia got to hold Micah for over two hours. It was so natural, so real and beautiful. As I watched her embrace Micah for only the 3rd time (on this her 1 month anniversary), I was reminded of how fortunate I am to be able to spend this time here. Sure, Olivia has told me again and again that she wouldn't physically be able to do this without me, and I know it's true. But, a lot of people aren't so fortunate, and few understand. We believe that God has called us to walk this road with Micah Ahava together, and God is proving faithful as we answer His calling. I could make a list of reasons for this choice, but the first and foremost is: "Jesus said to stay." The phrase that came to mind as I sat there praising God and watching my wife and daughter today (ok, and taking some pictures as well) there was "pundits and prayer warriors." We have support. We are being encouraged. We are being fought for. I know that, but I wasn't sure what the phra...

Micah has had a good couple of days. She is growing, has had good numbers, and has overcome the trials of a few days ago. All micro-preemie's are different, so much of her treatment is about observing her behavior and reactions, trying to meet her needs by what she presents, and learning from the experience what she (in particular) needs. In hindsight, really the only way to know, her problem at the end of last week seems to have been the result of getting off of a supplemental steroid her body doesn't make enough of yet more quickly than her body could handle. No infections, no new extraordinary lung issue, ... it's actually the best case answer. The steroid has been restarted is being weened more slowly to allow her body to compensate accordingly. So far the plan seems to be working. For Father's Day, she was alert and engageable, though still too sensitive to hold again. It's amazing to see God work through the hands of our doctors and nurses, and most especially...

Last night we turned a corner... and got mugged. Micah had a good day yesterday. Her numbers were good for the second day in a row. Olivia got to Kangaroo Care. Micah was eating well, with very little residual (food not digested within the first three hours). Things were pretty nice. Then, . . . Then, Micah's oxygen saturation (o2 sats) started to drop, and drop, and drop, which has happened before, only normally they raise back up in between. This time, they weren't rising, just dropping. We sent out a call for help and within minutes dozens of people were praying. Within an hour, hundreds of God's children were interceeding for our daughter. The x-ray of her lungs from yesterday morning looked bad, that is cloudy, evidencing a lot of open airways and capacity. The big trigger for all the changes however happened last night after her o2 sats started dropping. They did a blood gas (to measure her CO2 and the Ph level that results from the interaction between the CO...

This has been a good week. Micah's pick-line is out, so all of her vitamins and meds are now being given to her orally. She is up to 16 ml of Mama's Milk, which is a lot for her at three hour intervals. Her lungs have maintained their capacity after last week's trial and the antibiotic course is over. She is resting a lot, opens her eyes sometimes (I haven't found the perfect photo of that yet), and gets through each day a little bigger, a little stronger, and a lot prettier. She is also creeping up on the 2 pound mark slowly, and should reach it sometime next week. Currently, she is 1 pound, 11.9 ounces! Of course this week's big news is that she an Mommy finally got to snuggle again today. Two days ago, Olivia couldn't hold her because Micah was having a rough day. Yesterday, Olivia couldn't hold her because she was having a good (I mean record-setting progression on O2 levels!) day and they didn't want to wear her out. So, we were a little su...

The summer after my freshman year of college I worked at a Christian camp outside of Marble Falls, Texas. In that time I was a counselor for 8 different groups of kids. Most of the camp sessions were 1 week long. It's enough time to gain a first impression of your campers, but not really enough to get to know too much about them. Two of the sessions were 2 weeks long. I got to know those kids a little better and even led one boy named Justin to the Lord. The two week kids generally made a bigger impression than most of the one week kids. However, there was also a small group of campers who stayed on between sessions. That is, they came for two weeks and then stayed over for an extra week. These campers became fixtures in our lives no matter whose cabin they were in. Some of them I kept up with for a long time, even years. Those 3 weeks at camp produced long-lasting, life changing relationships. They produced fruit. They met our long-term needs as people. I am beginning to...

 

Happiness! Today I saw one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. Now bear in mind, I have seen some beautiful things: I've stood on a cliff overlooking the source of the Nile River. I've looked out over the Grand Canyon. I've counted stars from the crater of an African volcano. I've seen a field of Lazy Susans stretch completely out of sight. I've walked through the bazaars of Zanzibar, swam with a shark in the Bahamas, journeyed through the painted desert, and spent whole days on Safari in Tanzania. I've seen the dawn break over Jerusalem and watched the sun set from the beach in Hawaii. I've visited caves and cathedrals, modest homes and ruined castles, and people young and old simply enjoying life together. I've seen romance, patriotism, travel, and entertainment at its best.  I've seen the light of salvation light up the eyes of a child. I have some idea of what beauty looks like in many of its various forms. (I probably never re...

Today Micah and her Mama had a special bonding moment. We had hoped for some Kangaroo time, but today just wasn't the day for it. Instead, Olivia was able to give our daughter a bath! She actually handled it pretty well (Micah that is). Her skin is so sensitive, that you really only get 1 swipe per area, so you have to make it count while still being very gentle. I was so proud seeing my two girls together. Oh, and Olivia handled it pretty well also.   :-) The bath was a big adventure, so Micah did a lot of resting afterwards. She is holding her own on the easier ventilator, and had a pretty good day.  It is hard to see Micah struggle, but the journey is not accomplished in a day. Even good days can be exhausting. With her current physical condition doing well, we have been battling for our little girl in other areas. The reality of our situation is that we are surrounded by other families going through traumatic times and its work to...

Micah had another pretty good day today. Her doctors have determined that the staff infection was most likely limited to her breathng tube, but will continue with the targeted anti-biotic for two more days, since they seem to be helping. The general antibiotic has been discontinued. They are waiting until tomorrow for an x-ray to see how clear her lungs have gotten with the treatment. This is still 'best-guess' work, but it seems she had pnumonia or the chronic lung disease common to "micro-preemies." Since she is doing better, they switched her back to the easier ventilator, which allows for more freedom of moment and greater comfort (both to her body and to her lungs). The big news we received today was that Olivia may actually be able to hold Micah for 30 to 60 minutes tomorrow! Bear in mind that Micah is now 16 1/2 days old and has never been held by anyone! It might not work this time. We hope she does well, and since she knows Olivia's heartbeart, voice, a...

I like the movie Braveheart . I know that isn't a big surprise (I am sometimes rather ordinary as a man), but as I was sitting here praying for the words to share how Micah is doing today, I couldn't help think about Mel Gibson's final cry from the enemy's rack: "Freedom!" For Micah, this weekend was about crying out for freedom, and sometimes that meant she actually screamed. If I published a picture of her tiny face in soundless pleading (soundless because the breathing tube she depends upon blocks her vocal chords) it would break your heart. It's that image which keeps reminding me of the Braveheart cry. You see, this weekend was a real struggle. Micah was having a hard time, the hardest she has had yet. Her lungs were cloudy on the x-rays, but they couldn't figure out why for some time because she didn't seem sick. Her blood gases were coming out badly, and they were giving her 100% oxygen. The out look was bleak and the doctors ...

Today is worse than yesterday; God is bigger than ever. Micah is not doing as well today. She had a rough morning, and needed several changes to her therapy. She is on a different ventilator. She wasn't responding as they had hoped to the others. Who knew there were so many different ways to help her breathe? She spent most of the morning breathing 100% oxygen. Of course, they don't want her to do this forever because of the problems it could cause elsewhere, but she needed it this morning. The machine makes her whole body shake as it keeps her lungs from collapsing so tries to open smaller vestibules for air exchange. She has been able to go as low as the 80's, but is currently a little higher. The idea is to do what she needs and then try to back off slowly as she improves. The lung culture they took yesterday indicates small traces of a staff infection. There are several kinds of staff infection (you probably have one on your skin right now without knowing it!), an...

Today we are entering our first big trial: Micah is having a hard time exchanging oxygen for carbon dioxide. The problem appears to be limited to her lungs, rather than her blood flow or to the gestational valve between the upper two chambers of her heart. The PDA they treated earlier was also checked, and is still nicely closed. There is also no indication of infection. For us, this means that she requires a noticeable increase in machine support. Her lungs simply do not have the surface area they need to supply her blood with oxygen otherwise. The doctor and nurse explained today that all they can do is help her ride through this until she grows. Considering 1) a good rate of growth would be about half an ounce per day and 2) she needs to gain 24 ounces to reach 3 pounds, this will be a long trial! (6-8 weeks of "very high highs and very low lows") This lung development and growth issue is a major reason for the high mortality rate among children born at the gestational a...

Faithful friends and prayer warriors, so many of you have been checking up on Micah and supporting us in prayer. Thank you. Please continue to do so. Micah is doing really well. She is pooping regularly and eating Mama's milk in addition to liquid nutrients. Sometimes she has to take breaks for transfusions since her body is still learning to produce all the blood she needs. She is absolutely adorable (getting cuter by the day), and is now up to 1 pound, 5.9 ounces. She still has good moments and bad, but we are even getting to interact with her more regularly: changing diapers, checking temperatures, holding hands, and standing guard. Access is still very controlled, because too much external stimulation is still traumatic to her. That she has tolerated her few visitors so well is a huge blessing, but the biggest thing she needs to do right now is rest and grow. They give her meds to help keep her calm when they need to, and this is hard for us, but it's what s...