Micah's Cry
I like the movie Braveheart. I know that isn't a big surprise (I am sometimes rather ordinary as a man), but as I was sitting here praying for the words to share how Micah is doing today, I couldn't help think about Mel Gibson's final cry from the enemy's rack: "Freedom!" For Micah, this weekend was about crying out for freedom, and sometimes that meant she actually screamed. If I published a picture of her tiny face in soundless pleading (soundless because the breathing tube she depends upon blocks her vocal chords) it would break your heart. It's that image which keeps reminding me of the Braveheart cry.
You see, this weekend was a real struggle. Micah was having a hard time, the hardest she has had yet. Her lungs were cloudy on the x-rays, but they couldn't figure out why for some time because she didn't seem sick. Her blood gases were coming out badly, and they were giving her 100% oxygen. The out look was bleak and the doctors were wracking their brains and using all of their skills to figure out what was going on. Then a culture taken from her lungs started producing minor evidence of a staff infection. This may simply have been from the breathing tube, but it might also have been deep in her lungs themselves. There was no way to know. They never will know. But, it was something to work with.
The doctors had begin a new, more aggressive approach to Micah's therapy to which general antibiotics were added, and then fine-tuned as the specific infection was able to be identified yesterday. A different ventilator was employed because it is more effective in increasing O2 absorption (though it is harder on her). Steroid treatments were also added to encourage healing to damaged areas in her airways. Her blood pressure was more medicinally controlled. And (perhaps the hardest for my sweet wife), regular feedings were suspended so her body could focus its energy on sustaining her brain, heart, and lungs. Now, when choices like that are being made, my new Papa's heart begins to ache for my little girl.
Throughout it all, we prayed, claimed scripture, and worshiped the God of Life over the struggling body of our daughter. Sometimes the line between those three things blurred, and more than once I found my heart praying, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom." This is the same song I had in my heart when we were in the delivery room while Micah was being born. Honestly, it isn't my favorite song; it wasn't even in the top 25 three weeks ago, but what it says is truth: God's Spirit brings Freedom. So, as I watch my little girl struggle, we prayed for her lungs to open and be filled with the Spirit of Jesus, so that she would be free to breathe, free from the power of death, free to live. We prayed knowing there was nothing else we could do.
Now, if I've learned anything about my daughter so far, it is this: she is fierce! Micah is a fighter. Micah is not ok with loosing this battle. Micah is not giving up. Sometimes she fights so hard they have to force her to rest so she can grow and recovery her energy. She is very much our child.
You see, this weekend was a real struggle. Micah was having a hard time, the hardest she has had yet. Her lungs were cloudy on the x-rays, but they couldn't figure out why for some time because she didn't seem sick. Her blood gases were coming out badly, and they were giving her 100% oxygen. The out look was bleak and the doctors were wracking their brains and using all of their skills to figure out what was going on. Then a culture taken from her lungs started producing minor evidence of a staff infection. This may simply have been from the breathing tube, but it might also have been deep in her lungs themselves. There was no way to know. They never will know. But, it was something to work with.
The doctors had begin a new, more aggressive approach to Micah's therapy to which general antibiotics were added, and then fine-tuned as the specific infection was able to be identified yesterday. A different ventilator was employed because it is more effective in increasing O2 absorption (though it is harder on her). Steroid treatments were also added to encourage healing to damaged areas in her airways. Her blood pressure was more medicinally controlled. And (perhaps the hardest for my sweet wife), regular feedings were suspended so her body could focus its energy on sustaining her brain, heart, and lungs. Now, when choices like that are being made, my new Papa's heart begins to ache for my little girl.
Throughout it all, we prayed, claimed scripture, and worshiped the God of Life over the struggling body of our daughter. Sometimes the line between those three things blurred, and more than once I found my heart praying, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom." This is the same song I had in my heart when we were in the delivery room while Micah was being born. Honestly, it isn't my favorite song; it wasn't even in the top 25 three weeks ago, but what it says is truth: God's Spirit brings Freedom. So, as I watch my little girl struggle, we prayed for her lungs to open and be filled with the Spirit of Jesus, so that she would be free to breathe, free from the power of death, free to live. We prayed knowing there was nothing else we could do.
Now, if I've learned anything about my daughter so far, it is this: she is fierce! Micah is a fighter. Micah is not ok with loosing this battle. Micah is not giving up. Sometimes she fights so hard they have to force her to rest so she can grow and recovery her energy. She is very much our child.
Today, Micah is doing better. I told somebody yesterday that if it hadn't been for Saturday and Sunday I would have said that Monday was a bad day. But, relatively, Monday was pretty good. Today, however, is a legitimately good day for Micah, and Olivia and I couldn't be more relieved. She is making actual, measurable progress. Her body has adjusted (for now, always its just 'for now') to her new treatments. She looks less swollen (from the steroids). She is doing well. Her x-rays look better (about 30% of where we want them to be).
By the way, according to random internet knowledge, William Wallace didn't actually cry out "Freedom!" before he died. Only one quotation attributed to Wallace survives the centuries, which he supposedly delivered before the Battle of Falkirk. I find it even more appropriate to Micah's story:
"I hae brocht ye to the ring, now se gif ye can dance."
[Modern trans: "I have brought you to the ring, now see if you can dance."]
God has brought us to this moment, and to this trial. He has promised never to give us more than we can handle. He has given us faith, community, prayer, and worship to make it through whatever comes. He has given us the means to fight, to cry out against death and trust the giver of Life. Moreover, He has given us Himself. It's time to see if we can dance.
Comments