Walking with Jesus

We saw her born. I cut her cord. We waited. We loved and thanked her birth-parents. We visited with them, ate with them, rejoiced with them. We took her from the hospital. We watched her all night. We hardly slept. We set up stations for changing and sleeping. We fed her. We changed her. We worried about germs. We held her. We prayed over her. We sang to her. We talked to her. We cleaned the stub of her umbilical cord. We memorized her changing little face: her nose, her ears, her blue eyes, her soft dark hair. She was perfect and we fell in love right away. She squeaked. She sighed. She looked at us. She snuggled. She held our fingers. She ate passionately, liked noise better than quiet, and learned to anticipate a camera's flash by the "1 - 2 - 3" that preceded it. Never had either of us been so happy. Yesterday, we packed her things in the car. We started driving back home. I drove. Olivia sat in the back with her. We sang praises to Jesus. Every mile was joy. We stopp

My life has been forever changed, And my arms forever obligated. My heart is touched by life's first breath, My soul attached to a familiar guest. She stretched her arms and kicked her legs. She cried: a sweet, a soft and gentle sigh Both exhausted and satisfied. She opened her eyes and I fell right in. The blue of first sight fixed on me! Oh! Precious Lord of Peace, who gives such gifts, Give me now your Grace and Wisdom Fit for such a crown, your own... Elora.

It's December 19th, 2008, and Elora is almost here. Thank you for praying us through this process and asking us about our progress each time we see you. Olivia and I are so excited. Actually, we're probably freaking out a bit. Olivia is naturally concerned about having all the stuff cleaned, packed, ready, and in order. The car seat gets checked regularly, the clothes have been washed and sorted, the house is constantly clean and ready. She is already acting like a great mom! She's been writing regular updates on her blog ( http://www.inspiredbygrace.blogspot.com/ ). Meanwhile, I'm trying to get all our finances in order. We'd applied for an adoption loan for the bulk of our adoption expenses and the fund we applied to isn't able to help us out. Additionally, we haven't heard back from any of our grant applications. So, I'm scrambling. It's not the situation you want to be in days before your daughter is born. Some of our friends and family have ch

There are some things that lie just beyond common knowledge. For example, have you ever thought about the fact that Jesus never ate bacon, a pizza, a hamburger, or probably even an apple? (These things were unknown in 1st century Israel.) Have you ever considered how Methusellah was a vegitarian who died the year God flooded the earth? (No one even considered eating meat until after that Great Flood.) And, did you know that all music can be described by 12 notes in 15 combinations? (By the way, the supporting structures of sub-atomic particles are musical patterns.) So much waits for us to discover if we can only follow the clues and put the peices together. God made this life a great adventure of learning and discovery, with each new lesson a chance to learn about who He is as the creator of all. Such learning is the key to truly gaining insight into the world around us. Let's follow the reality that Jesus was a Jew. What does this imply about his life? He kept the Law. He hon

This week has been amazing! I've been working like crazy for the holidays. Elora is going to be here sooner rather than later. We're working on the financing for our adoption. Olivia and I had a great time on her birthday. We spent Thanksgiving (to God) Day with my mom and some of our best friends. And, one of Olivia's bridesmaids is flipping the card on her and getting married tomorrow. Of course, Olivia is in the bridal party. I will be in the audience with Olivia's phone gripped tightly in my hand, since we're expecting "the call" at any moment. When it comes, we'll be out of here and on the road to see our daughter born! Elora: God's Crown of Victory!

"A man would die for honor, but he will live for _________." Two days ago, my Olivia presented me with an opportunity to do some deep thinking. She wrote down an incomplete thought from her journal, and asked me to consider how I would finish it. So, I've been wrestling with it for a couple of days now, and I believe I have an answer. Initially, I wrestled with the statement itself. Would a man truly die for honor? Wouldn't he die for love? or country? or principle? or faith? Yes, I supposed, he would. Yet, in each case, there is an element of honor, isn't there? In fact, it may be the common theme in each idea. There is value in dying for these things in addition to the value of the thing itself. Each object is worthy of dying for. Therefore, a man who dies for one of them is worthy of Honor. You see, a man is born with an innate need for honor. From his first individual actions, he is pressing into that need. Boys are independent, aggressive, and boisterous

Dear Members of the Abilene City Council; I am writing in response to the recent Abilene Reporter News article “ Local Man Wants Dangerous Dogs Banned ” and seeing the sadly mixed results of the online poll conducted by the ARN regarding the ban idea. I believe such a ban is absolutely necessary! In fact, our own dog was attacked just last month in our backyard by our neighbors’ Pit Bull after it tore through our fence. Because we risked our own safety to intervene immediately, our dog escaped with only some badly bruised ribs and is recovering. Both the police and the veterinarians involved called her survival a miracle. In the same week Abilene Police were forced to shoot a Pit that bit an Abilene resident taking her small dog for a walk near her home. The owner of that Pit Bull informed me that his dog had escaped the house by jumping through a pane of glass while he was away at work! Just the week prior to our own encounter, I watched as another neighbor’s Pit Bull attempted to

I've been learning about Respect. Respect is showing honor or deference to another person because of their position, character, title, or behavior. As a Christian, I am called to show respect to other people. They are each created in the image of God, making human life sacred. They are each in need of grace, making real love possible. And, they are each capable of showing respect or refusing to show respect to me, making the respect I show a choice. Jesus showed respect to those the world thought unworthy. Paul showed respect to the High Priest when he was being questioned. Mary showed respect to the angel as a representative of God. Daniel showed respect to the Babylonian King, even though he had sinned against God. Sarah showed respect to Abraham, even though he messed up sometimes. And, Noah showed respect to his generation by continuing to call them to repentance even though they were beyond hope. God may be "no respecter of men" but He calls us to respect e

Several weeks ago I started reading through the New Testament on a 10 week plan. Six days a week I read a few chapters every morning, and on Sundays we went to church. It's actually a plan I designed when I was living in Tanzania, but I felt led to pull it out and do it again. Today is day #1 of the 10th week, the book of Jude, and I think it applies to us today even more than it did when it was first written. But first, let's back up to last Saturday, 2nd Peter. This was the day Olivia and I met our birthmother, and we were nervous. So many thoughts were racing thorough our minds: what if she doesn't like us?, what if she changes her mind?, what if an asteroid lands on the restaurant before we get there?? What a comfort it was to open to my regular Bible reading a find the perfect encouragement... "Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, according as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto li

There's no real way to describe my disappointment at this year's election. I'm not only upset about how things turned out in terms of political parties (though this is disappointing) but I am even more disturbed by the ideologies represented by everyone in political leadership in our nation. As a Christian, do I have anyone fighting for what I believe in our government? Yesterday, we met our birthmother for the first time, and thus, met Elora. It was a wonderful meeting surrounded by wonderful new friends and Christian brethren. Truly, Olivia and I experienced the love of the Body this weekend more clearly than most are able to experience! However, we live in troubled times. When my daughter is born, how am I to view the world she is born into? How am I to teach her right from wrong when the world says there are no absolutes (which is of course an absolute statement)? How am I to mold her and protect her in a world that calls discipline child abuse and true crimes aga

As Olivia's blog readers know, we have finally found Elora. She is due in January, but may well come sooner. Olivia and I are so excited. We got the call on our way to my dad's last weekend in Plano, and this weekend we're going to meet our birthmother. Please pray for us as we travel. This whole process has been an adventure, and I honestly don't have the words to describe it. But, I know that wouldn't trade it for the world. I'd do some things differently, of course, but I wouldn't change the overall picture. There's just too much blessing in it. One of the things I've really discovered this week is the depth of Olivia's love and grace for me. I may not seem like a bad guy, but I have had my dark moments and Olivia has been my wingman through them all. We're a team. We pray for each other, fight for each other, call each other to the floor, and sometimes rub each other the wrong way. Yet, each time we have to fight for what God wants in

Pastor Richard Wurmbrand knew suffering. (I say 'knew' because he now lives with Jesus, where there is no suffering to be known.) His story, Tortured for Christ , is worth reading for anyone who can appreciate that our Western Christian model is not the norm in our world, or perhaps even in history. Most believers in the world face the risk of real persecution for their faith. ( John 16:33 ) Wurmbrand's primary antagonist was Communism , which declares that there is no God, no heaven or hell, and nothing beyond what we encounter and experience with our five senses. I'm including a passage from his work, which suggests a logical answer to the communistic worldview. It is a quote from an underground church member who was pleading with an atheist to recognize that eternal life does in fact exist. I found it hopeful, intelligent, and simple, and I hope you enjoy it: "Suppose that we could speak with an embryo in his mother's womb and that you would tell him t

Today is my brother's birthday! Kevin is 33 years old, the second of the 3 of us boys. He's the peacemaker, the sympathetic one, the teddy bear. Kevin is an engineer, a slalom skier, and an all around nice guy. He drives a sports car, listens to funky music, doesn't stress about cleanliness, and is a killer game player. Yeah sure, he was a pain in the rear sometimes when we were growing up, but that was primarily because my rear was too sensitive! These days, when it comes to generosity, Kevin's hard to beat. He's truly someone of whom it can be said... "To know him is to love him." Happy Birthday, Bro!

It’s no secret that I don’t like Halloween. I don’t dress up in October. I don’t carve pumpkins. I don’t hand out candy to children at my door. I don’t go to “church fall festivals”. I don’t watch Halloween movies. I don’t buy Halloween candy. I don’t do anything Halloween. But, why don’t I? I used to celebrate it. I used to dress us and go trick-or-treating. I used to sneak around in the dark with my friends and imagine all sorts of creatures lurking in the shadows. I used to be excited to hand out candy to the children who came to our door. Hey, we used to run a haunted house out of our garage! But, then, about the time I really started living for the Lord, I was exposed to some of the origins of Halloween and I began to grow in my understanding that any association with Halloween on my part is a compromise of my Christian faith. I’ve been looking for a site that will introduce you to some of the history behind our Halloween customs, and I think I’ve found three that you’d do well t

I love Sunday mornings! Not only is it my only day of real rest, but it's the day I get to spend the most time with my family (God, Olivia, Gracey...). It really is a gift. I know it isn't the original Sabbath (which is Saturday), but it's the day we celebrate as the Lord's. On Sunday, the first day of the week, Jesus rose from the grave. On Sunday, God began His work of creation. On Sunday, we worship with other believers. On Sunday, we come together as the Body of Christ. I wonder how many of our friends and neighbors have no idea why Sunday is what it is? How many of them don't know why we (generally) take the day off? why some businesses (not enough of them) are closed? why family suddenly becomes more important? I wonder how many of them don't realize that Sunday is all about Jesus? I wonder how many would listen if we would only tell them: Sunday is different.

Who can know the ache of a mother's empty arms? Who can bear her tears for her? Who can feel the sting of "Why?" and "No!" and "It shouldn't be?" Where can you take her to take the pain? How can you show her the love she needs? What can you do to mourn with her whom heaven has placed in your trust? Tell her not that this way is better; She will not believe and you don't know it's true. Don't give her easy answers; there are none. She is right to mourn! Mourn with her. She is right to cry! Wipe her tears and cry with her. If you truly love her do everything you can to take her pain into yourself and understand it as your own. When you do, God will give it to you. Her loss will become your loss. Her void will be comforted by one of your own. You will be changed forever and you will know that she was your daughter also.

Most of you who read my blog have already read Olivia's. I can't tell you how upset I was last night. Even if you've seen me mad, I guarantee you have never seen me this angry. Anyway, it's still too fresh for me to talk about it, though I hope you'll read Olivia's blog to see what went on. Today I mowed our lawn. I got some new edger string and was excited to try it out. (yeah, who gets excited about edger string?) I had basically finished when my trimmer ran out of gas and my neighbor walked up to me in the alley. This is one of our better neighbors (not the druggie tejano punks or the dirty college students). Mr. Claunch is a piano tuner and has been for years. He has a story for every occasion and just in case you don't get the point of it, he usually follows it with 2 or 3 others. I like Mr. Claunch because he's a thinker. Tonight he posed a question to me in the form of a story. Mr. Claunch was tuning a piano at one the theology school I

I just read Olivia's latest blog and it got me thinking... It is in me to fight. I want to see righteousness prevail. I want to see truth proclaimed. I want to see evil opposed . I want to see the lies of the enemy uncovered and laid bare. As I walk I see so many people who are blind. They are being led down the quaint road to destruction. They don't know it. They believe they're ok . Sure, they aren't perfect, but neither it So-and-So. At least they're better than You-know-Who. But, So-and-So and You-know-Who aren't the standard; God is. It's His glory we were created to reflect. We don't. We need Him. We never stop needing Him. Whether we're completely separated from the Lord or have been walking with Him for years, we never stop needing Him. The same Grace that saves us, sustains us. The same Spirit that draws us in, leads us on. The same Jesus who calls us out, calls us forward after Him. The God who makes us, makes us more like Christ. This is

Today at work our store received a forward of an Amber Alert. The email provided a picture and told of a 13 year old girl who had been missing from her Philadelphia home for two weeks. It made me angry. Here we are waiting and praying for our Elora and people are stealing children all over our country! Personally, I believe kidnapping deserves the death penalty. The Bible commands the death penalty for kidnapping (Exodus 21:16) It ranks it with murder (Exodus 21:12), bestiality (Exodus 22:19); adultery (Leviticus 20:10); homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13), being a false prophet (Deuteronomy 13:5), prostitution (Leviticus 21:9), witchcraft (Leviticus 20:27), killing an unborn baby (Exodus 21:22-25), and rape (Deuteronomy 22:24-25). The image of God is so sacred that He takes trespassing on that image deadly serious. I've since discovered that the email was a 2 1/2 year old hoax! However, it got me thinking about how precious life is. While this situation was faked, thousands of othe

Lonely is a cultured man in a time without culture. He walks among the dazed and lives among the distracted. Constantly, he knows himself to be out of place. He thinks with either compassion or contempt on those around him. If he is a kind soul, not too deeply affected by the stain of pride so often associated with that attitude which so soon takes the place of true gentility, then he considers those among whom he spends his life with compassion. If, however, he is of the more common sort and has only an arrogant wisdom regarding the lack of sophistication and complexity of interaction that his peers lack, then he is most to be pitied. He, being so far above others in his own estimation, can never appreciate the beauty of those simple lives, which it is the duty of true dignification to esteem. He, the antihero, is lonely because his pride will not allow him to know the company of others. The other, the heroic wanderer, is lonely in a deeper, more meaningful way. For, he

Today, my heart hurts. It hurts because we felt like we'd found our daughter, and we hadn't. It hurts because my sweet Olivia has had to relive the pain of 3 failed pregnancies and years of waiting for God to fulfill this promise. It hurts because I'm ready to be a dad, to change diapers, to tickle toes, to 'nuggle', and to see Olivia look proudly at me as I hold our daughter. It hurts because I miss Natalie, Malachi, and Rachel. It hurts because sometimes things hurt, and this is one of those times. Today, my heart hurts, but my soul must rejoice in the Lord. I must rejoice because God's wisdom is greater than mine, and He loves me. I must rejoice because I feel closer than ever to understanding and knowing my wife. I must rejoice because even if this little girl wasn't Elora, I know she's out there somewhere and we're going to find her. I must rejoice because it's not up to me to make it happen; this is God's promise to keep. I must rejoi

Here's a great article from yesterday's USA Today. I particularly liked the "Stepford wife" comment at the end. Feminist Template Obliterated by Kathleen Parker

A few days ago, my wonderful bride, Olivia, “hijacked” my blog, and wrote the sweetest, most honoring blog entry about me. It blessed me so much! I can’t even begin to say thank you for the things she wrote, but it meant the world to me for her to do that. I’ve never had another person love me the way Olivia loves me. We’re not perfect, and we’re definitely still learning, but I’m blown away to have been given her as my wife, best friend, lover, and support. God is truly faithful! It occurred to me this morning that there was a time in my life when I would have been really bothered by the fact that Olivia “broke in” to my blog account and used it. In fact, I might have been so bothered by it that I missed the blessing she gave me by doing it. But, I suppose it is evidence of God’s great work in me that I wasn’t bothered at all. Not a bit! In fact, it’s taken several days to even realize that I might have been bothered by it in the past. I simply don’t think that way anymore. (Ple

I am hijacking my husband’s blog. I am not sure how he is going to feel about it, but I am willing to take the chance. I want to write that Bryan is one of the most amazing people I know. He loves me so much and I have never felt so loved by another person than by him. He makes mistakes, I make mistakes and we sometimes do and say really stupid things when we are mad, but the fact is that we really love each other and want to grow in the Lord with each other. Bryan works so hard. Even though he is not exactly where he wants to be in his career, he still keeps going. He could cut corners and not do the best job for the companies he works for, but he doesn’t. He does what he says he will do and does it perfectly. When Bryan comes home he doesn’t grab a drink and sit on the couch. It would make sense if he did. He gets up so early and then comes home and works a second job as well. Again when he gets home from the second job he will help me with dinner if I have not made it yet, clean up

Today we learned that the thesis of the letter to the Hebrews is “Don’t give up!” I’ve heard that the thing Jesus said in the Gospels more than any other idea was, “Fear not!” (10x’s) or “Be not afraid!” (9x’s) Paul said we wrestle “against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, and against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12) We’re at war. It’s all around us. Sometimes it’s obvious: East vs. West, Liberal vs. Conservative, Muslin vs. Jew, Muslim vs. Christian, Tyranny vs. Freedom, Doctor vs. Disease, Nation vs. Nation, Neighbor vs. Neighbor, Person vs. Person… Sometimes it is not obvious at all: Me vs. Myself, Flesh vs. Spirit, Life vs. Death, Legalism vs. Licentiousness, God vs. satan… Sometimes, we spend so much time rambling through life that we fail to recognize the battle raging around us. At other times it’s all we can see. In the same way, sometimes I feel compelled to write, but I don’t know what to say. At other times I

The things I most regret in life are the things I never did. The things I most appreciate are things God did for me. The times I most remember are the moments of choice. The times I'm proudest of are the moments when I chose to stop regretting and to appreciate God's fingerprint on my life. God is faithful. I belong to God.

This 2nd level, front page headline for an article by Sarah Skidmore of the Associated Press caught my eye, not just because it meant I wouldn't be buying Hallmark greeting cards anymore, but because of it's implications. It's going to be hard enough teaching our children that Halloween is wrong, that Easter isn't about bunnies and eggs, and that Santa Claus didn't invent Christmas. Now, we have to contend with the nation's largest greeting card company redefining marriage for our children! "Hallmark added the cards after California joined Massachusetts as the only U.S. states with legal gay marriage. A handful of other states have recognized same-sex unions." (from ARN article) "Hallmark started offering 'coming out' cards last year, and the four designs of same-sex marriage cards are being gradually released this summer and will be widely available be next year." (from article) "It's our goal to be as relevant as poss

I've just finished a book given to Olivia and I as homework and recommended by several of our friends: Sacred Marriage , by Gary Thomas. The basic question of the book is profound... "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" I would recommend this book to types of people: 1) those who are married, so they can understand the purpose of marriage in their life, 2) those who are not married but hope to be, so they can understand the purpose of marriage in general, 3) those who will never marry, so they can understand their married friends! The whole book is really good, but I want to share some reflections on one particular thought in the text. It isn't the main point of the book, or even the chapter, but I feel it is vitally important for us as we try to live out the life of Christ in our worlds. ...our culture lives vicariously through the achievements and recognition of others. You were made by God to create. If you don't create

Lord, your glory is vast and beautiful. Grant me eyes to see it. You are pure and holy. Grant me forgiveness for my sin. Your ways are right and perfect. Inspire my understanding of your Word. All things are in your power. All of my needs I lay before you. Your Spirit is constant. Let me heed rather than grieve your dove. Your harvest is ripe and plentiful. Teach me to bear fruit. Teach me your ways. Be near me at all times. Show me your glory!

I have a lot of growing up to do! Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really get there. I'm too sensitive to the wrong things. I get offended rather than hear the cry for comfort and assurance. I get upset when I feel put down or unloved. I've definitely some real moments of insecurity. In ways, I'm not very mature sometimes. But, in other ways, I've been too mature for my own good. I grew up really quickly as a child. I didn't do it because I had to. I had a good family with a lot of opportunity to enjoy my childhood. I grew up as quickly as I could simply because I wanted to. I wanted to be somebody, something more than I was. I constantly tried to see past what was going on around me. I was always more interested in what was next than in what was right in front of me. As a result, I'm afraid that I missed a lot of beautiful moments, and took a lot of people for granted, simply because I was too busy trying to grow up. Moreover, I never really learned to li

Whether patients, doctors, nurses, staff, or visitors, most of the people we've met during this time at the hospital have had three things in common: 1) They are very real. 2) They easily talk about spiritual realities. 3) They are nice people. 1) Here people are real. Being in the hospital has the tendency to push aside the facade of Western culture that delegates the fragility of life to the periphery. Some of these people are here because they or someone they know is getting well, while for others someone is finishing their days with as much grace and dignity as possible. Some are helpers. Some are hurting. Some are coherent. Others are not. Most are kind. Many are easy to talk to. Some are lonely. And, a few are cranky. With the notable exception of the influence of medications, who you are in the hospital is who you really are. 2) Here people talk about faith and God. Every person you meet understands that God is a perfectly acceptable topic for conversation. There are n