Walking with Jesus

Two Years...     It's amazing how often I think of you, especially now that Ahava is here. I see you in your sister's face; I hear you in her laugh. The reality of HER makes the reality of YOU that much more potent. I believe you would have made a great big brother. Someday you'll get the chance. Please tell Jesus 'hello' & give Him my thanks. I'm so glad I got to be your daddy.   "Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:23b

I don't have very many words right now. I'm still getting hit by waves, even a year later, just coming off of one, in fact. Olivia prayerfully wrote a blog about our son.I don't have many words, so please read hers . She says what I feel. Guess that's part of the newer depths we share in our marriage. Thank you, Jesus, for Josiah.

These past several days, we were afforded the opportunity to get out of town and spend some time with some friends in another part of the country. It was a special treat, a chance to rest and be loved on, and a wonderful glimpse into their lives. These friends truly love us more than I ever realized. God has given us a special place in their hearts, and we hid there for over a week. I am extremely thankful. Their love and graciousness toward us was a daily reminder that God has not turned his face away from us. Our suffering has been real (and still is), but we have not suffered without His presence. I am convinced that our Lord weeps with us each time we weep, that He holds us each time we need to be held, and that He never tires of our weakness or requires us to "just move on". He forgives our humanity. He understands our frailty. He loves our son,... Josiah. Josiah. "God Heals". Josiah, our fifth (at least) little God-worshipper. Josiah, who was prophesied fo...

. It's been two weeks since Josiah was born. Someone suggested that while we no longer feel Josiah in our arms, we will always feel him in our hearts. I like this idea. It's sweet, and the image is good. But, it isn't what I feel. What I feel is the hot-cold sting of acid forming a hole in my chest where my son's face should be. That sounds rather dramatic, but that's what I feel. However, what I know is much better than what I feel . What I know is that Josiah is with Jesus, along with his (at least) 4 brothers and sisters. What I know is that he is worshiping at the feet of the Father. What I know is that he knows who I am, and waits for me as only a loving son can. What I know is that God is good, and somehow, he is going to use this satanic attack on our family to reveal his love to us and advance his Kingdom. What I know is that satan hates us, because we believe in God. What I know is that I will continue to believe what I know over what I feel . ...

. The days keep rolling by. They just don't stop, do they? Josiah isn't coming back. I keep expecting to see him. I keep wanting to pray over him inside his mommy's belly. I half-forget when I'm asleep. I still see his face, his nose, his lips, his ribs, the soles of his feet, his hands... But, it's fading. I can't remember exactly what his back looked like, or the tops of his feet. I remember his fingernails, but not his toenails. I've begun the slow process of losing him. My pain reminds me I'm alive. Olivia's pain reminds me I am a husband, as well as a father. We're taking care of each other as best we can. God is holding us, but with our faces buried in his chest we can"t really see him. Our family and friends are helping so much. We have food in the fridge. Josiah's flowers are arranged on the piano, where he would have climbed and played. (Olivia watered them last night when she couldn't sleep.) Sympathy cards surround them...

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. Josiah Keith Brigham was born into the arms of Jesus on Friday, March 18, 2011 at 2:08pm. We will never forget him. It has been suggested that all you really have in life is a dash between two dates; how you fill in the dash is up to you. But, what do you say when there is no dash? What do you make of a life with only one date to mark it? In Jeremiah, the word of the LORD came to His prophet during the reign of Josiah, king of Judah, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” The Psalmist declares that God’s knowledge of man is perfect from the skillful forming of his inmost parts while he is still in his mother’s womb and that God’s thoughts for each of us outnumber the sands. In this context, he proclaims, “I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Josiah Keith Brigham was fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am proud to have him for my son. My biggest fear is th...

. Josiah Keith Brigham Josiah Keith Brigham, beloved son of Bryan Keith Brigham and Olivia Marta Brigham, was born and went to be with Jesus on March 18, 2011 at 2:08 PM. He is loved and missed greatly by grandparents Richard and Ellen Brigham, Gary and Diana Fambro, and Tamas and Klara Lility; uncles and aunts Kevin Brigham, David Brigham, and Robert and Cynthia Horacek; cousins Ilona, Isabella, and Korbin; great-grandmother Dorothea Goodwin; best-buddy Gracey; and many other family members and friends. Graveside service will be held Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 2:08 PM at Elmwood Memorial Park in Abilene. .

. My wife is a photographer, as you may know, who specializes in pregnancy photos. So, you might imagine my hesitation at considering taking some pregnancy photos for her. However, Olivia is also a wonderfully loving woman and a great subject. We had a lot of fun taking these, and I hope they show you a bit of our joy in being pregnant.   . .

. A SON ! (Visit Olivia's blog for details!)