Finding Elora

Today, my heart hurts. It hurts because we felt like we'd found our daughter, and we hadn't. It hurts because my sweet Olivia has had to relive the pain of 3 failed pregnancies and years of waiting for God to fulfill this promise. It hurts because I'm ready to be a dad, to change diapers, to tickle toes, to 'nuggle', and to see Olivia look proudly at me as I hold our daughter. It hurts because I miss Natalie, Malachi, and Rachel. It hurts because sometimes things hurt, and this is one of those times.

Today, my heart hurts, but my soul must rejoice in the Lord. I must rejoice because God's wisdom is greater than mine, and He loves me. I must rejoice because I feel closer than ever to understanding and knowing my wife. I must rejoice because even if this little girl wasn't Elora, I know she's out there somewhere and we're going to find her. I must rejoice because it's not up to me to make it happen; this is God's promise to keep. I must rejoice because whatever happens or doesn't happen in my life, Jesus still died for me and has adopted me into His Kingdom.

Today, my heart hurts.
Today, my soul must rejoice!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Bryan,

I just wanted you to know you are both in my prayers. I had no idea about your precious litle ones and cannot imagine the loss you must feel. I'm so sorry.
I cannot tell you how much I admire your strength and faith.

Lori
September 20, 2008 at 4:48 PM
BK said…
Thank you, Lori. It's good to hear from you.
September 20, 2008 at 10:34 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Caption Contest!

Image
Today Micah reached 2 lbs, 0.5 ounces. In order to celebrate, Olivia (and Micah) suggested a competition. So, here's the deal: Think of a caption for this picture and contribute it in the Comments below by clicking on the underlined word "comments". The winner will get a guest appearance on a popular sitcom, a cash prize of $2000.00, and a special gift from Micah. (Well, maybe just a special gift from Micah!) Micah also asked me to tell you that she is progressing on her ventilator and her lungs have cleared very well because her lungs are growing. Praise God! She did have to have a transfusion to get her red blood cells up where they need to be, because she is making less blood than she uses. (But, hey! She's only 5 weeks and 1 day old [gestationally 28 weeks, 5 days] and is amazingly making making her own blood, how much more do you expect?) So, think of your caption, enter it in Comments below, and keep praying! Add Your Caption Here {click below}
Read more

Gone

We saw her born. I cut her cord. We waited. We loved and thanked her birth-parents. We visited with them, ate with them, rejoiced with them. We took her from the hospital. We watched her all night. We hardly slept. We set up stations for changing and sleeping. We fed her. We changed her. We worried about germs. We held her. We prayed over her. We sang to her. We talked to her. We cleaned the stub of her umbilical cord. We memorized her changing little face: her nose, her ears, her blue eyes, her soft dark hair. She was perfect and we fell in love right away. She squeaked. She sighed. She looked at us. She snuggled. She held our fingers. She ate passionately, liked noise better than quiet, and learned to anticipate a camera's flash by the "1 - 2 - 3" that preceded it. Never had either of us been so happy. Yesterday, we packed her things in the car. We started driving back home. I drove. Olivia sat in the back with her. We sang praises to Jesus. Every mile was joy. We stopp
Read more

100 Days of Micah!

Image
Here are my girls! Today is Micah Ahava Elise's 100th day!     So, what are some of our favorite things about Micah?   1. She is alive! 2. All her labs are normal 3. She is 5 1/2 pounds 4. She is awake a lot 5. She is breastfeeding 3 times a day 6. She is 14 weeks, 1 day (37 weeks, 5 days gestation) 7. Her steroids have stopped (really this time) with no signs of stress 8. She smiles 9. She makes sounds while she is eating 10. She burps! 11. Her eyes look good and healthy 12. She has a strong heart 13. She had a good echo-cardiogram 14. She squeaks 15. She follows you with her eyes 16. She likes to "nuggle" 17. She is progressing on her O2 support 18. She is strong 19. She is really cute! 20. She has done everything they have asked her to do 21. She already has lots of friends (including you!) 22. God has amazing plans for her life 23. She has 10 toes 24. She has daddy's hairline (temporarily) 25. She is an answer to prayer 26. She
Read more