Walking with Jesus

Sometimes I do things with the best of intentions, and find myself in sin. Often, this is because I get excited and don't stop to think and pray before I do them. What do I do when this happens? How do I respond? Do I defend myself? Do I make excuses? Do I hide behind my great intentions? Or, do I recognize the injury I have caused and do what I can to repair it? I hope I do the later. I wrote a blog about Halloween a little while ago. In it, I offered an argument for why Christians should not participate in this holiday, even as an opportunity for evangelism. I feel very strongly about this issue. This practice among our churches is a burden that brings me great sadness, and I believe the church's response to the spiritual realities associated with this particular day of the year are critical to who we are as a body. However, it is not enough for me to speak the truth (or at least my understanding of it). I must remind myself that "if I do not have love, I am ...

A key verse over Micah's life is Micah 7:7: "Therefore I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me." Even her name (and the name of the prophet) means "who is like our God" because there is no other god like our God (that is, the true God, who is ours because He has given Himself to us). This morning I was reading in the book of the prophet Micah, and I had a thought to share: I will bear the indignation of the LORD, Because I have sinned against Him, Until He pleads my case And executes justice for me. - Micah 7:9 The problem, of course, is that we have sinned against God. Since we are unable to atone for our sin, the only solution is for He, Himself to bear our guilt, to pardon our iniquity and pass over our transgression (7:18) We know that this happens through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. But, what is our sin: murder? adultery? theft? Perhaps. But, that is not the sin pictured in ...

God, teach me to love and think of 'the other'; God teach me to love, and be like you. For, your love is who you are. You thought of me and took my place on  Calvary's tree. God teach me to love and think of 'the other'; God teach me to love, and be like you. For, your love is who you are. You paid my price and took my pain and set me free. God teach me to love and think of 'the other'; God teach me to love and be like you. For, your love is who you are. You sought me out and took my sin. Now, I can see. A psalm of praise, in Gospel style, because God not only commands us to "sing unto the lord a new song", He also gives us the song.

Ok. It's time. I was reading my cousin's blog , where she wrote a very insightful article about child labor and the chocolate industry. I started following links, uncovering the dark side of the largest American chocolatiers and learning more about the situation, when a burden came upon me that this was the day to confront Halloween... again. After all, halloween is chocolate's big season. I know that some people think I'm a little strange to spend so much space fighting against a holiday that the National Retail Federation says 7 out of 10 Americans will participate in this year. I'm sure even most people who fall into the 3 out of 10 think I'm going overboard. Well, grab your life vest, because here we go... Remember, halloween is a 'holiday' (holy day). It is a religious event. It is a day of worship gods who are not YHWH. [ Ephessians 6:12 ] Children are ritually sacrificed (today!) as part of some satanic rituals connected to halloween. Trad...

 5 Months Old Today!   All of Papa's "Squirells"  Today, Micah is 5 months old! I can hardly believe it. It seems like we just got home from the hospital, but it has actually been 2 1/2 weeks. It has been a transition, but we are finally settling into a temporary routine until I go back to work. I am not sure when that will be. I am not sure what I will be doing. Micah is now over 7 1/2 pounds, which seems really big to us. She likes taking baths, sleeping, walks in her stroller, and car rides. She loves her sister, Gracey, and Gracey is starting to be more interested in Micah as well. We still have to be cautious about Micah's interactions with other people. There are a lot of germs out there her little system isn't prepared to take on yet. Hold on... did I mention she likes to be held...a lot. Mama's resting, so I am on duty. Guess this will be a short update. Thank you for your continued prayers. God is faithful. Happy 5 Month Bir...

Today we went on a little adventure (across town to buy the new Veggietales video), but truthfully every day has been an adventure. Micah is so amazing. She is really learning to tell us what she needs, and what she doesn't. Swaddling: need it. Fortifier for Mama's milk: don't need it (painful gas). Holding time: need it. Worship time: what fun! Alone time: not so much. Car ride: Why not? L-o-n-g car ride: No, thank you. Diaper change: absolutely, unless it is just gas. Face time: love it! Knowing we right there when she wakes up: constantly. We have been blessed. Micah smiles a lot. She is happy most of the time. So are we, even when we aren't seeing eye to eye (or even eye to foot). Micah likes being with us. She loves to just stare at our faces. She likes light. She is strong, she lifts her head and is already trying to turn over. We are being cared for as well. The body of Christ is really pulling through for us: meals, counsel, encouragement, rejoicing, prayer,...

We are home! We are disoriented, tired, battle-weary, and shell-shocked. But, we are home. We are on fairly strict isolation for Micah's health, still getting used to having her on oxygen, tired (did I say that already?), and unable to adequately repay and/or thank all of those who continue to bless us. But, we are home. We took a lot of pictures of us leaving the hospital, but I left the flash drive at Great-Uncle Jerry and Great Aunt Vicki's house when we got Gracey. We had been using their small digital camera while we were at the hospital. (By the way, Aunt is pronounced awnt not ant in our family because Olivia grew up in Massachusetts and I've grown to like it. I guess it sounds more official.) When we left, Olivia even got to carry Micah out in a wheelchair, just like she would have if she'd just delivered. She was so excited! But, like I said, I left those photos in Fort Worth. So, I'm going to see what I can find on our phones. Thank you again fo...

    She looks at me with eyes longing, "Stay, Papa. Don't leave me." She wants more, is beginning to need more. She knows. She knows me, knows Olivia, knows together, knows alone... She knows. But she also doesn't know. She doesn't know about the wider world. She doesn't know about the place we are preparing for her. She doesn't know that she, also, is being prepared. She knows the NICU. She knows her world, and she wants me to be in it, "Stay, Papa." I swear her eyes would grab me and hold me if they could. She saturates better when we hold her. She rests better, feeds better, sleeps better... She knows. But she also doesn't know. She doesn't know the adventures awaiting her. She doesn't know the experiences. She doesn't know life; not really, not yet. "Stay, Papa." I can't, and I don't. She doesn't know why, doesn't understand, but she knows I leave. ...

We've always felt Micah was doing better than most of the babies we've seen in the NICU, but yesterday we received confirmation of just how exceptional she is. One of her two primary doctors told us that Micah is a 1% baby. That is, she is top tier in terms of outcomes for 23-week micro-preemies. She is an example of the reason these doctors do what they do. She is an example of just what they are hoping for. She has really done well. Micah Ahava Elise is truly "top of her class", and that isn't just her daddy's opinion! We feel so blessed by her, and so blessed by how well she has done. Of course, she had some hurdles to overcome, and she had to take them at her own pace... a pace slower in some cases than the doctors were expecting, but Micah really has been blessed. Of course, we know why. We know who is behind it all. God knit Micah together in her Mama's womb. Micah is fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator and Giver of all life. Micah has ...

We've had several "firsts" this week: first "rooming in," first time alone with Micah for both of us, first days with no tube feeding, first MRI (her doctor was amazed at how good Micah's brain looks), first weight of over 7 pounds (7 lbs, 1.1 oz.!), first trip outside the NICU (for the MRI), first meeting with Bea (the PEDIATRIC Nurse Practitioner in charge of pending dismissals)... We've also had several "lasts": last tube feeding (obviously), last eye appointment while we are here (everything looks good), last time with one of our favorite nurses, last day of decorations on the wall (because of a pending inspection), last trip to Abilene before we go home... We also had an almost first. We almost had our first vaccine, but felt a warning the Lord telling us not to do it. Vaccines are tricky. They are often referred to as "immunizations", but this is inaccurate because they do not guarantee any immunity (You have to search to ...

We have been very, very busy lately. Micah has made amazing progress on her O2 support. She is now "on the wall," taking a small flow of oxygen with no added pressure behind it and doing very well. In fact, one doctor said she has surprised them all in very good ways the whole time. She has begun bottle feeding (for the additives she needs as a micro-preemie). We were nervous about this, but it had to be done. After a few rough days, she has started doing well whether she bottle feeds or breastfeeds. As of today, 6 of her 8 meals are done without a tube. We are going to "room in" with her a few days, so we can practice taking care of her (with back up if we need it). Doing it during the day for a few days means we don't have to stay overnight right before we try to move home. She is off of all her meds and we feed her almost all of her meals anyway, so why not do it with a little privacy? Her regular tests (weight, etc.) have all gone to once or twice a ...

I could get used to this. Micah Ahava's First Dress Photo Shoot! Yeah, pretty much the cutest thing ever. Our family is growing "Bloomers!" Really? Another picture?? One of our favorite nurses. Happiness is seeing God keep His promises I see you, Papa. I see you, too! This is what I do. The "Us" Snuggles The heart of the snuggle He he he... Mine! Kickin' back Time to 'nuggle Going for a "walk" There she is! I might just not put her back, ya know. Daddy's Turn I could get used to this!

Micah is doing pretty well today. She tried 3 breastfeeds yesterday (with 2 back to back) and finished 2 1/2. She also gained 3 ounces yesterday after not gaining any the day before (probably scale variations). And, I really believe she has gotten cuter since my last update. Based on her slow and steady progress, we believe we will be here into October. Unfortunately, if you are checking in for a Micah update, that is all I have right now. Keep checking back, but this post is about something else. It's something I need to get off of my chest, something that has become a burden to me this week as I consider the world Micah is going to grow up in... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As Christians, we need to remember we are at war. Moreover, we need to act like we are at war. So, if you will pardon my rather poor composition (being distracted by life here in the NICU), here's the thought....

So, Micah is now officially 1 day old, adjusted age. Adjusted age? Yes. Micah will have two ages for a while, until the second fades into the world of no-longer-a-factor. Bear in mind that her due date was only yesterday. Thus, she was only actually ready to be born 24 hours ago, give or take. Everything she has done so far has been ahead of schedule. She was breathing early, seeing early,eating early, pooping early... you get the idea. Everything she has done has been early. But, there are some things she hasn't done yet, like rolling over, crawling, walking, talking.... If we just went by her birthday (March 21st - mark your calendars!), she would probably reach many of these goals late. First, she would reach them late because her timer started almost 4 months early. Second, she would reach them late because she is having to overcome the trauma to her system caused by her premature birth. Rather than just hanging out waiting to be born, Micah has been fighting for her li...

Micah is doing well today. It's amazing how long this journey has been. Tomorrow is her due date, which means she has been here 115 days already. Can you believe that? She was 115 days early! Micah is going back to 3 Mama feedings (not via tube) today. It has been a couple of weeks since she tried this, and it was too much without a quiet room to rest in. We are really hopeful that she will do well. This is a major use of her limited energy stores, but an obviously necessary goal. Micah has been off of all steroid supplements for over two weeks now. She seems to be doing well. They will wait either 2 more weeks or until we are about to leave (if that came earlier) to test her ability to create steroids under chemical stress. Micah weighs 6 pounds, 4.9 ounces. (She was 1 pound, 2 ounces at birth) She continues to grow slowly but steadily. Occasionally she drops an ounce or so, but there are so many factors in charting her weight, that the week to week picture is the ...

God is faithful. I appreciate that. Of course, as a Christian and a student of the Bible, I know that God is faithful. That is, I believe it. But, over the course of these weeks and months since Olivia was care flighted here from Abilene, where I was left standing on the curb waving goodbye,I have come to appreciate the faithfulness of God. Even this morning, in Ezekiel, YHWH is the faithful God who promises to restore adulterous Israel, though He says Israel had been worse than Sodom, seeking new ways to defile herself. He'd saved them from death on the trash heap as an infant, raised her, and clothed her with his beauty, but they grew proud in "beauty of your own" and forgotten the days of their youth. I don't want to forget where we have come from. Micah is doing really well, growing and improving slowly almost everyday. We will not be here forever, no matter how many more weeks we are here. We will go home. She will grow to be a toddler, and then a child,...