Tomorrow Everything Changes

 
 
She looks at me with eyes longing,
"Stay, Papa. Don't leave me."
She wants more, is beginning to need more.
She knows.
She knows me, knows Olivia, knows together, knows alone...
She knows.
But she also doesn't know.
She doesn't know about the wider world.
She doesn't know about the place we are preparing for her.
She doesn't know that she, also, is being prepared.
She knows the NICU.
She knows her world, and she wants me to be in it,
"Stay, Papa."
I swear her eyes would grab me and hold me if they could.
She saturates better when we hold her.
She rests better, feeds better, sleeps better...
She knows.
But she also doesn't know.
She doesn't know the adventures awaiting her.
She doesn't know the experiences.
She doesn't know life; not really, not yet.
"Stay, Papa."
I can't, and I don't.
She doesn't know why, doesn't understand, but she knows I leave.
I also know.
I know there is more.
I know this is temporary.
I know what she needs better than she does.
I know it hurts her, but I also know about "tomorrow."
Tomorrow everything changes.
Tomorrow she won't need to ask me to stay with her.
Tomorrow she will come with me, with us; family.
Tomorrow her longing will be satisfied in ways she could never imagine today.
Tomorrow "Stay, Papa" is answered by "Come, Child" because now she is ready.
Tomorrow she will begin to know in a new way.
Tomorrow she will begin the long process of understanding.
"Stay, Papa. Don't leave me."
I can't, and I don't, because I know about tomorrow.
 
I believe God is teaching me something in Micah's longing.
I, too, look to my heavenly Father and beg,
"Stay, Papa. Don't leave me."
He, too, knows of a better tomorrow.
He is preparing a place for me, and preparing me for that place.
He is with me each "today," but also knows about "tomorrow."
And so, he leaves me wanting more, needing more.
He leaves me knowing and yet not knowing.
Tomorrow is coming and He knows I'm not ready yet.
Tomorrow everything changes.
 
Tomorrow Micah will leave the hospital.
135 days later, we begin the journey home.
Today we live in the wonder of the reality...
Tomorrow everything changes.
 
 
Today is Natalie's 9th Angel Day.
Her loss began the promise we see fulfilled in Micah.
We pray these sisters will one day meet in heaven,
when tomorrow changes everything.
 
 
 

Comments

Mandy said…
Yay! I am so excited to see what this new chapter brings. So beautiful how God has worked through this. Welcome to your new world, Micah! Please give my love to Olivia.
October 6, 2012 at 8:43 AM
Karen said…
Praise God! I am so happy for you! Continuing to pray for you!
October 7, 2012 at 8:35 PM
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