Rachel Elizabeth

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who go through life and never know anything, and then there are those who suffer. Right now it sucks to be those who suffer, but it's the only way we really know.

Once again, we are suffering. Once again a child has been lost to us. Once again, Olivia and I hurt, question, and hope. But, this time is different.

We saw Rachel's heartbeat on two occasions, a rare treat this early in pregnancy made possible because of the risks involved in our situation. I can still see it: 140 beats per minutes of life, the raw power of existence declaring, "I am here!" They were glimpses of innocence and power and I will always be thankful for them.

This time we know each other better, love each other more deeply, and are able to understand each other's pain more fully. This time we know what comes next for us. This time everything was going well, but turned in an instant. This time we prayed, believed, and called for prayer supporters and friends as well as family.

This time we know the falleness and corruption of the world. This time we know that God's joy was broken with ours. This time we know our daughter more fully by the beating of her little heart.


For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with {Him} so that we may also be glorified with {Him.} For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
~ Romans 8:15-18

Comments

Olivia said…
I will never forget seeing that little heart beat with you. I have never seen you so proud.
July 12, 2008 at 10:08 AM
The Kilcoynes said…
Bryan and Olivia,

I don't have a lot of words for you, but I can share in your tears. I can hurt with you. I can't say that I know how you feel because only the two of you know that. I can say, however, that I have walked that path recently and God's grace is abundant.

~Tiffany
July 15, 2008 at 9:11 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Caption Contest!

Image
Today Micah reached 2 lbs, 0.5 ounces. In order to celebrate, Olivia (and Micah) suggested a competition. So, here's the deal: Think of a caption for this picture and contribute it in the Comments below by clicking on the underlined word "comments". The winner will get a guest appearance on a popular sitcom, a cash prize of $2000.00, and a special gift from Micah. (Well, maybe just a special gift from Micah!) Micah also asked me to tell you that she is progressing on her ventilator and her lungs have cleared very well because her lungs are growing. Praise God! She did have to have a transfusion to get her red blood cells up where they need to be, because she is making less blood than she uses. (But, hey! She's only 5 weeks and 1 day old [gestationally 28 weeks, 5 days] and is amazingly making making her own blood, how much more do you expect?) So, think of your caption, enter it in Comments below, and keep praying! Add Your Caption Here {click b...
Read more

Gone

We saw her born. I cut her cord. We waited. We loved and thanked her birth-parents. We visited with them, ate with them, rejoiced with them. We took her from the hospital. We watched her all night. We hardly slept. We set up stations for changing and sleeping. We fed her. We changed her. We worried about germs. We held her. We prayed over her. We sang to her. We talked to her. We cleaned the stub of her umbilical cord. We memorized her changing little face: her nose, her ears, her blue eyes, her soft dark hair. She was perfect and we fell in love right away. She squeaked. She sighed. She looked at us. She snuggled. She held our fingers. She ate passionately, liked noise better than quiet, and learned to anticipate a camera's flash by the "1 - 2 - 3" that preceded it. Never had either of us been so happy. Yesterday, we packed her things in the car. We started driving back home. I drove. Olivia sat in the back with her. We sang praises to Jesus. Every mile was joy. We stopp...
Read more

100 Days of Micah!

Image
Here are my girls! Today is Micah Ahava Elise's 100th day!     So, what are some of our favorite things about Micah?   1. She is alive! 2. All her labs are normal 3. She is 5 1/2 pounds 4. She is awake a lot 5. She is breastfeeding 3 times a day 6. She is 14 weeks, 1 day (37 weeks, 5 days gestation) 7. Her steroids have stopped (really this time) with no signs of stress 8. She smiles 9. She makes sounds while she is eating 10. She burps! 11. Her eyes look good and healthy 12. She has a strong heart 13. She had a good echo-cardiogram 14. She squeaks 15. She follows you with her eyes 16. She likes to "nuggle" 17. She is progressing on her O2 support 18. She is strong 19. She is really cute! 20. She has done everything they have asked her to do 21. She already has lots of friends (including you!) 22. God has amazing plans for her life 23. She has 10 toes 24. She has daddy's hairline (temporarily) 25. She is an answer to prayer 26. She...
Read more