Rachel Elizabeth

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who go through life and never know anything, and then there are those who suffer. Right now it sucks to be those who suffer, but it's the only way we really know.

Once again, we are suffering. Once again a child has been lost to us. Once again, Olivia and I hurt, question, and hope. But, this time is different.

We saw Rachel's heartbeat on two occasions, a rare treat this early in pregnancy made possible because of the risks involved in our situation. I can still see it: 140 beats per minutes of life, the raw power of existence declaring, "I am here!" They were glimpses of innocence and power and I will always be thankful for them.

This time we know each other better, love each other more deeply, and are able to understand each other's pain more fully. This time we know what comes next for us. This time everything was going well, but turned in an instant. This time we prayed, believed, and called for prayer supporters and friends as well as family.

This time we know the falleness and corruption of the world. This time we know that God's joy was broken with ours. This time we know our daughter more fully by the beating of her little heart.


For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with {Him} so that we may also be glorified with {Him.} For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
~ Romans 8:15-18

Comments

Olivia said…
I will never forget seeing that little heart beat with you. I have never seen you so proud.
July 12, 2008 at 10:08 AM
The Kilcoynes said…
Bryan and Olivia,

I don't have a lot of words for you, but I can share in your tears. I can hurt with you. I can't say that I know how you feel because only the two of you know that. I can say, however, that I have walked that path recently and God's grace is abundant.

~Tiffany
July 15, 2008 at 9:11 AM
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