The Purpose of Marriage
"22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
What is this mystery? It is about Christ and the church. That relationship is the meaning of marriage and the explanation for the different roles of husbands and wives.
Recall first that men and women are of equal value to GOD. For, while woman was created for man, this reality is a symbol of a greater truth and both are created in the image of GOD. In fact, it may be that the image is unfinished without both men and women in His Kingdom! Thus, there is neither male nor female in Christ because they are of equal value, not because they are the same.
The greater reality of this passage is found in the relationship between Christ and His earthly body, the church. The first purpose of marriage is to display this relationship. Think back to the Fall: What was the judgment?
For the Woman: multiplied sorrows in her role, pain in bringing forth children, a desire for her husband's authority, and being ruled over because of her sin instead of led according to his role as husband. Notice especially that her desire is "for" her husband. This construction is only used one other time in Scripture: In the very next story, GOD warns Cain that sin is crouching at the door and its desire is "for" him (or actually "against" or "for his downfall"). Yet, he should rule over it. (We will come back to this.) Therefore, the woman's desire is "against" her husband's leadership. Consequently, the struggle of a wife to be led by her husband is part of the curse and it is also a symbol of the church's struggle to be led by Christ. (ex: Is not the Catholic religion a glorification of the Body instead or its Lord?) In fact, all four points of the woman's curse point to the struggle of the church to be the body of Christ, with its focus on Him rather than itself.
For the Man: a cursed world, hard labor, rebellious (thorny) fruit, hard-earned sustenance for himself and his family, and death. The death is particularly relevant, for it relates to the judgment of the serpent and provides the means for salvation. Of course, the man is also impacted by the woman's new struggle to let him lead. Again, the man's curse reflects Christ and his labor to redeem the world, whom he desires to present to himself as "a glorious congregation, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing... holy and without blemish" and whom he loves as his own body, nourishing and cherishing it as bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh (compare v.30 w/ Gen. 2:23).
Therefore, just as all marriage reflects the relationship between God and the world, so a Christian marriage should endeavor to reflect that relationship as redeemed through Christ. Some things apply to both the husband and the wife in testifying to the mystery of Christ and the church: monogamy, mutual service, Christ-like character... However, there are also unique roles for husbands and wives to reflect the roles of Christ and his church. (Note: while marriage is intended to portray Christ's relationship with his human body, the church is nowhere in Scripture described as the Bride of Christ.)
For the Woman / the Church: It is hard to be under authority, to trust another enough to give them a determinative voice over your life. Yet, this is precisely what God asks of wives because it is what Christ requires of the church. Husbands are the head of the family because Christ is the head of the church, not because they are better or more qualified. In fact, humanly speaking, husbands are sometimes the worst choice for leadership. But, in a Christian marriage, this is irrelevant. Therefore, motivated by her desire to fulfill God's purpose for her role in marriage, a wife must place her trust in the Lord as she accepts the headship of her husband under God's plan. This is difficult, but it is also a place of protection, covering, and spiritual purity according to the revealed Word of God.
For the Man / Christ: His position calls for responsibility and sacrifice. Without these two, his authority is mute; he cannot lead in the way God calls Christ to lead the church. The husband's role demands a different kind of humility. He knows that he is not qualified, inadequate to his task. Yet, he must learn to love his wife as his own body because this is how Christ loves his people. He must learn to lay down his life for his wife, because Christ has lain down his life for him. He must give, labor, and toil for the benefit of one who innately rejects his leadership before he can even hope to receive any benefit to himself, knowing that it may never come. This too is a difficult work. In fact, without Christ it is absolutely impossible and even with Christ it seems almost so. The husband must trust the Lord to guide and use him in his role as a husband with no assurance of success or acceptance. He must bear the burden of responsibility for actions over which he does not have final control because this is what Christ has done for the world.
What can we say then about this mystery? All we can do is accept or reject our roles. The Lord loves us and has a great plan for each of our lives. Yet, when we marry a new life is also formed: the two become one flesh. This new life also has a purpose to display the relationship God desires to have between His Christ and the church. Therefore, the Apostle writes, "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." This is a sacred relationship, intended to reflect the most sacred relationship we can witness. When it does so, God is glorified and we are satisfied.
One more thought: Both husbands and wives are accountable to God for how they fulfill their roles in marriage. Yet, while wives must overcome themselves, a husband must overcome himself and understand his wife's natural resistance to his leadership. She must submit to her husband in Christ and thus gain a holy covering. He must submit to Christ while bearing responsibility for his household, having no covering except the burning righteousness of Jesus. She must follow, but he must both follow and lead. Therefore, while both have roles to play [whether or not their spouse fulfills their role], I cannot help but appreciate the differences.
Comments