One Man's Journey With God

I was raised in a culturally Christian home. We went to church fairly regularly (unless we had something better to do). We prayed at my grandmother’s house, before holiday meals, and sometimes after we three boys had gotten into a fight. We were encouraged to be hard-working, moral kids because that’s what God wanted. We went to Sunday school because it was good for us. And, eventually we all made a confession of faith in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That was about all there was too Christianity in our family. Mission accomplished.

Yet, even in my own conversion experience, God was already planting the seeds that would set me apart from the rest of my family and make me a missionary in my own household. I remember the tug of the Holy Spirit beginning to work on my heart the Sunday after my 10^th birthday. We were attending a Bible church, so I knew the gospel. What I didn’t know was whether or not I was prepared to hand the rest of my life over to God. Week after week, I struggled with the question. Sunday after Sunday, I walked into the church uncertain and out of the church feeling guilty. After a month, I finally knew the day of decision had arrived. By the end of the worship service I would either trust in God or reject Him. I sat through Sunday school and fidgeted through the sermon. Then, I stood with the congregation at the invitation, too terrified to make the move I felt God was calling me to make. I prayed, asking Jesus to help me, and heard the Spirit say, “If you will only step out into the aisle, then I will walk with you the rest of the way.” I did. He did. And, my journey with the Lord began.

We changed churches soon after, because my parents believed we needed a bigger Sunday school environment. (At least, I think that's teh reason.) But, the gospel we heard there was simply, “Be a good person, because Jesus was a good person.” In that environment it was easy to forget about sin, sacrifice, and the whole idea of Christ’s Lordship. Subsequently, by the time I was old enough to drive, I was the only member of my family still attending church at all. I’m not sure why. I think I just preferred being there interacting with my friends to being at home sitting in front of the television eating cinnamon rolls. Perhaps, it was the nagging idea that if Jesus was truly God, then He should matter more than it seemed like He mattered.

There were glimpses of that “more” all along my journey, but the first time I remember truly being confronted with the idea of Lordship was when I went to college at Hardin-Simmons University. At first, I was amazed to see people so excited about Jesus. Then, I felt resentful and cheated. Why hadn’t I known about this kind of living faith? However, in short order the Father gently reminded me of all the times He had called me to more and I had chosen my sins instead. (The occasional youth meeting, Christian music sent to me from my Aunt, even trying to read the Bible... in the end, I had always chosen myself.) I was humbled, and I rededicated my life to God’s service, surrendering to the vague idea of being “in ministry” and praying that God would give my life a greater meaning than I could have ever achieved for myself.

It was then I began to really learn the Bible, to spend time alone with the Lord, and to seek opportunities to be used in His kingdom work. I joined the Baptist Student Ministry on campus, eventually leading the drama team. I started going on mission trips and sharing the gospel with waiters and waitresses when I went out to eat with my friends. I added a Bible major to my degree.  I found a church with a strong college department, where I could be challenged and encouraged in my faith. I even preached a few times, spent a summer as a missionary in south Texas, and worked part-time on my church staff. I also began to challenge my younger brothers to make more of their relationship with the Lord. I was rough around the edges, but earnest in my desire to know Jesus and be a light in His kingdom.

When I finished my undergraduate work I went right into Seminary where I obtained two Masters Degrees in ministry and theology. In the midst of working on the thesis for my second graduate degree, I joined the International Mission Board as a Journeyman missionary. I spent two years living among the Maasai in Tanzania, teaching in a Bible school for pastors and potential pastors, travelling among the villages ‘storying’ the Bible chronologically, and helping with mission teams who came in to do ministry in the bush. Those were the hardest years of my faith journey to that point, and God used them to fine tune and correct several areas of my understanding about who He is and how He works. I was living without modern conveniences, facing new realities, being challenged in my theology, and was more alone than I had ever been before. The summary of what I learned in Africa is this: God is less concerned with ability than He is with availability.

When I returned from Africa, I spent a year (and all of my savings) travelling around Texas, Oklahoma, and California sharing what God had done among the Maasai and encouraging churches to engage in missions. When I ran out of funds, I joined a newly reborn congregation on the edge of town as a part-time minister, helping them establish a Singles Ministry and a Missions Ministry. I completed my second Masters degree, joined a local evangelism ministry, and took 18 hours toward a Doctor of Ministry degree before focusing on my own construction business (well, I tried to make a busines of it anyway). I had been trying to find a full-time ministry position for several years now, and was frustrated with the fruitlessness of those efforts. I was more involved in youth, missions, and evangelism than ever, but I was also growing discouraged.

I was exploring the possibility of returning to the mission field (this time to Israel), when the Lord called me to marry Olivia. We had been friends for a couple of years, but were both surprised and pleased at the clarity of God’s call to walk through life together. We have now been married for over six years, and they have been the most challenging, rewarding, and fruitful years of my Christian life.

When we married, I took a position in corporate management, thinking we would probably go to the mission field after our family was established. However, the establishing of our family has been a long and difficult journey, including the loss of five children, a rescinded adoption, and several foster children who we were not able to keep. I continued to preach on a volunteer and bi-vocational basis, but stayed in the corporate world for most of those years. Then I was fired, and I had to trust Jesus in completely new ways as month after month passed before I could find a new job. In the midst of this learning time, God called me to teach, and I am currently pursuing a doctorate degree in Old Testament at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary in Mill Valley, California.

The most recent season in my journey with Jesus has revolved around the birth of our daughter, Ahava. She was born four months early because of serious life-threatening complication with Olivia. She almost didn’t survive her first few minutes, much less the almost five months she stayed in the Neonatal ICU in Fort Worth. During this time, God called me to step out in faith and trust Him by surrendering my job and going to Fort Worth to be with Olivia and Ahava. Every day was full of prayer, anxiety, extreme emotions, and patient struggle. Our health suffered, our marriage suffered, our relationships suffered... Until, finally, we were able to bring our daughter home. Now we are in a season of rebuilding and healing. Ahava has continued to have struggles, but is now doing amazingly well. God has provided for us in truly miraculous ways. And, I am ready to enter whatever new season the Lord has for us, completely confident in His plan and in His love for me and for my family.