Forgive; Don't Forget

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Yesterday I got a text message from someone I didn't want to hear from. A man I used to work with invited me out to Starbucks to talk. Now, this man caused a lot of grief in my life, especially at the end of my time working with him. He continually treated others as inferior and often belittled them in front of other employees. He even treated other managers and some of our customers in this way. On his best days he was rude, on his worst days... well... Finally, as a manager, I confronted him about his behavior and the confrontation cost me my job. It was not a good day.

So, I've been working through that over the past two months. Some days have been like trying to take a deep breath when someone just punched you in the gut. Others have been like facing your friends after getting turned down by the girl (or guy, ladies) you spent two years working up the courage to ask out. I've felt like I did my Junior year in high school when the soccer coach promised us interested football players two weeks to tryout for the soccer team and then sent us home on the third day with no warning. It's reminded me of my Senior year when I was benched because my coach believed "White boys got no business running the ball!" I've wrestled with the rejection, resentment, relief, fear, unfairness, depression, and confusion. I was tempted to feel sorry for myself, like Joseph in prison, but thankfully I already knew his story and it has helped me with my own. Joseph kept playing the victim. Well, I'm not going to do that! I decided early on to believe that God is working in all of this, and I've tried to maintain that mindset. Now, I believe I have some evidence to bolster that faith choice.

God had his hand in that situation and removed me from a very unhealthy work environment in an amazing act of grace. I didn't have to quit and I didn't do anything wrong. It's been great to be home with Olivia during this precious time in our family, I've gotten to know our son even before he arrives, the Lord has provided for us financially (even after we were denied unemployment), and life is so much less stressful not working with that guy. What he intended for evil, God intended for good, for me and for my family. I'm truly thankful. Sure, I'm trying like crazy to find another job, but I know God has it all in control, because he has from the start.

The thing that really gets me about the whole situation is that this guy won't leave me alone. I ignored him at first, but I texted back and declined the last invitation (No, but thank you.). He hasn't written back yet. Perhaps he feels like its his Christian duty to pester me until I sit down with him and give him the chance to feel good about himself over the whole thing. Maybe he just feels exposed and wants to look good to others. I don't know what his motivation, but I have no reason to believe it is sincere. He has never come close to apologizing for anything that I know of, and his attitude throughout our years of knowing each other has never been anything short of arrogant. He's just better than everyone else, you see? It's pitiful, really, and I feel sorry for him. I'm really fortunate to be less like him than I used to be. {Praise you, Jesus! Don't stop working on me now, I've still got a long way to go!}

"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control,... humility,... forgiveness..." These are the words that keep coming to my mind as I think about it. "Pray for your enemies." "Love those who mistreat you." Who knows, if he writes again next month, perhaps I'll go. The soreness of it all has lessened and I think I could be in the same room with him if I had to. I've forgiven him, I just don't like him. I don't believe he is a sincere person. I know he isn't nice. And, I'm not interested in hearing what he has to say. But, on the off chance that he might actually be sorry for his behavior, I guess I need to hear him out, for his sake. Who knows, he might really be a believer like he constantly reminds others he claims to be? You see, he's a "super-Christian". [I know what these guys are like because I've been one myself on occasion.] He's got a lot of truth in his head, but it doesn't show in his actions. Or, maybe he's finally gotten saved! I hope so.

Now, I'm not perfect. I didn't handle everything well about what happened. Yes, he's a jerk, but he's also human and created in God's image. Honestly, I hope I don't hear from the guy again. It'd just be nicer for me if he went away. But, if he doesn't go away, I'll let him know he's forgiven. Maybe he needs that. For myself, I just don't care anymore. In fact, except for his two texts (each month like I'm on his planner) I'm not even interested in the whole thing anymore. I'm ready for what is next. I'm excited about our future. I want to see what God has for us, because if there is one thing I've learned through this it is that God really does know what he is doing, and it doesn't matter what anyone else tries to do in my life, God is faithful and true. So, for all our sakes, for his, for mine, for my family's, and for those I may be used to minister to in the future... I've forgiven, but I can't forget. I need to remember, because when I remember what happened, I also remember how faithful God is in my life, just as he was to Joseph.