While I was waiting, I waited.

This morning I woke up before Olivia and I visited a friend's blog that I'd recently gotten the address for. He was one of my groomsmen and though we've kept up by phone since they moved it was nice to see some photos. While I was there, I checked out his links to other blogs. I found new marriages, new babies, first steps, lots of photographers, and a few missionaries: happiness, love, joy, adventure! I don't know how to describe how this collection of lives made me feel. I was happy for all of them, but today I had a hard time connecting.

I didn't see anyone like us. I didn't see people who've had a horrible couple of days with chronic illness, people who've been waiting (with painful losses) to start there family for over 3 years, people who work 50 hours a week and then dream about it every night, people with neighbors who turn up the base on their car stereos every time they pass your house because they know you don't like it, people with fantastically dysfunctional families, people who've been trying to finish a remodeling project for 2 years, people with more broken dreams than accomplished ones, or people whose prayers so often seem to go unheard. (I did see one girl who'd scalded her hand, but I get hot oil burns twice a week, so that doesn't count.)

So, rather than just not write, which is what I normally do, I'm going to whine. (Don't worry, my blog isn't always going to be a complaint.) Today, I'm having a rough morning. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting for our adoption. I'm tired of waiting for free time to finish projects, for the chance to live somewhere that isn't dangerous for Olivia's Lupus, and for a house that isn't in the ghetto. I'm tired of waiting for this time to be over and for life to be more like a blog post than it really is. I know other people have stuff, but I'm tired of waiting for our stuff not to be the thing that takes up all our time and energy.

I'm tired of waiting... but, it's been a rough couple of days and I'll get over it.

Comments

Yuri Richardson said…
BK,

Your not alone. Your post reminded me of another blog post i've resently read.

http://mikeboldea.blogspot.com/2010/08/haggard-and-worn.html

Also here is a link to a site I think you and Olivia might be interested in.

http://www.hacres.com/library/testimonies/my-thanks/665

I decided to send this because it is what I believe and practice myself for optimum health.

Let me know what you think Ok?

shalom
August 14, 2010 at 4:23 AM
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