Honor

"A man would die for honor, but he will live for _________."

Two days ago, my Olivia presented me with an opportunity to do some deep thinking. She wrote down an incomplete thought from her journal, and asked me to consider how I would finish it. So, I've been wrestling with it for a couple of days now, and I believe I have an answer.

Initially, I wrestled with the statement itself. Would a man truly die for honor? Wouldn't he die for love? or country? or principle? or faith? Yes, I supposed, he would. Yet, in each case, there is an element of honor, isn't there? In fact, it may be the common theme in each idea. There is value in dying for these things in addition to the value of the thing itself. Each object is worthy of dying for. Therefore, a man who dies for one of them is worthy of Honor.

You see, a man is born with an innate need for honor. From his first individual actions, he is pressing into that need. Boys are independent, aggressive, and boisterous because it makes them feel brave, adventurous, or self-sustaining. These are the very things they have learned to respect in their heroes, and they want to emulate them. (Therefore, if we teach our boys to admire godly character, they will strive to emulate those characteristics.) Honor is something a man needs and would readily give his life to gain.

So, yes, a man would die for honor. But, what is he willing to live for? That's harder. I thought of comparisons like Love, Virtue, Purpose, and Significance. Yet, in each case I found something lacking. Then, it came to me...

"A man would die for honor, but he will live for the chance to be honorable."

That is to say, a man will dedicate his life to the opportunity to be worthy of honor. Doing so satisfies a deep need within him. That is why a young boy dreams of being a firefighter, an athlete, or a comic book superhero. He has a need (not just a want or a desire, a need) for his life to be honorable.

The struggle is that this needs so often gets confused with a desire for machismo, or vain ego. This is the false honor of gangsters, bullies, and abusers. This false honor declares, "If the world is convinced that I'm not worthy of honor, then I will at least make it respect me. I will force people to honor me!" Of course, true honor cannot be forced, but we often don't realize this until it is too late.

Everyman struggles with distinguishing ego and true honor to some degree. Many of us settle for substitutes like title, land, power, fear, and vanity. I, too, have struggled with understanding honor, and accepting my need for it. I have sought it in position, in possessions, and in other people. Yet, none of these is able to give me true honor. As the saying goes, "Honor is a gift a man gives himself." It's not about what others think of me; honor is about who I truly am.

To die for honor is a noble thing, but it is the choice of a moment, and may reflect only a momentary chance of character. It is a far more difficult and costly adventure to live a life worthy of honor, which is what we man really want. And, once we separate true honor from its substitutes, we men will passionately live for the chance to be honorable.

There is a quote from the movie Rob Roy that I'd like to reference at this point:

Son: Father, will MacGregors ever be kings again?
Rob: All men with honor are kings, but not all kings have honor.
Son: What is honor?
Rob: Honor is what no man can give you and none can take away. Honor is a gift man gives himself.
Son: Do women have it?
Rob: Women are the heart of honor, and we cherish and protect it in them. You must never mistreat a woman or malign a man, nor stand by and see another do so.
Son: How do you know if you have it?
Rob: Never worry on the getting of it. It grows in you and speaks to you. All you need do is listen.

I think one of the reasons Olivia couldn't finish the thought from her journal was because, as a woman, honor is natural to her. She possess it already, simply by virtue of who she is. She doesn't seek it outside of herself because she knows it is within her. She also seems to understand the difference between Ego and Honor, between the substitutes and the real thing. She didn't have to struggle through years of confusion to know the difference as I have. She is created differently. Therefore, her adventure is different than mine. Perhaps, as a woman, Olivia would die for love but live for the chance to be loved?