Olivia


I love my wife! It's not just a statement to me, it's a reality. Olivia is amazing. She's funny and temperamental, excited and sometimes sad, easy going and a little uptight... She's a beautiful bundle of joy and contradictions. She understands the value of life, having nearly lost her own. She sees beauty in people and in things that others simply ignore. She loves Jesus and longs to be a vessel of His glory. She helps me see things differently, more by accident than on purpose. I'm not very good at being told things sometimes, but I am a student of human nature, and the nature of Olivia teaches me a lot. She teaches me to have a soft heart, to fight through hard times, to take myself less seriously, and to always remember I don't know what's going on in another person's life. Olivia is a profound blessing to me.

Last night, we were sitting on the bed and I asked her to tell me a story. (Normally, I'm the storyteller, but it was her turn.) She told me something silly at first (alla E.B. White's pig), and then shared a moving story of her own creation. I was so moved by her gentleness, so rather than going right to sleep we continued to talk. Because of a book she'd just finished, Olivia told me how upset she was about the reality of our dog Gracey dying someday. In a very real way, Olivia owes her survival to this little ball of fur and love, so it's truly difficult to think of life without her. That's when it happened that I reached a new level of love for my wife.

As I held Olivia and we talked, I felt my heart open to her anew. My love was born-again. It hadn't been missing, but it swelled up with such force that it felt like our wedding day. (I still remember my first glimpse of her through the courtroom door: nervous, beautiful, glowing, innocent...) I've been 'in love' before. I've had girlfriends in my past, and told them I loved them. I've also loved people non-romantically over the years. But, with Olivia it is truly different. Last night, that difference felt like a raw weight in the center of my chest. I couldn't breathe properly, nor could I cry. It was as if I stopped being Bryan for a moment and was only the lover of Olivia's soul, observing Olivia in her profound and simple grief. My heart filled with her sadness, and I understood her love and pain in a new way. I don't know if she understood it, but I had to tell her, "Sometimes, I love you so much it breaks my heart."

No matter how long we live, how many children we raise, or how many more years we have Gracey, I pray God will always give me the grace to bear the weight of His love for Olivia. Truly, in that moment, I more deeply understood the nature of God's love for us. For Olivia, I would lay down my life. For Olivia (and for our God) I am committed to living it.

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